Faith or Dodging Responsibility?

As I've gotten older I've come to realize that I'm taking more and more comfort from either "Faith" or "Fate." I'm not sure how to classify it.

Take relationships. It's so easy now to say, "If it's meant to be it'll happen." To stop stressing and leave it to chance, fate, or God. To say, if the woman doesn't turn out to be all I thought she was that it's in my favor and "wasn't meant to be." That I dodged a bullet. And I've dodged a lot of "bullets" in my time.

But is this relying on faith or simply avoiding facing an ugly truth that the common denominator is me? I mean, at what point does one draw the line between letting nature take it's course and using that as an excuse to avoid putting all their emotional eggs into one precarious basket?

I realize that "hindsight is always 20/20," and that's certainly true. I believe that, just because we don't see an explanation for why something went pear-shaped on us right away or soon after it doesn't mean that there's not one. It may be much later that we can look back and say, "ah, I see now. That had to happen so that this could happen." (Admittedly, it may never take the sting out of an unhappy memory. I've had several broken bones and cuts in my life and nothing has ever hurt me like watching your fiance pull off her engagement ring, handing it to you, and saying "I don't want to marry you.")

Fifteen years ago, my friend, Bill Barnett, once said a very insightful thing to me when we were at work (WBHL) discussing relationships: "I'll be alone before I marry stupid." To me that was brilliant and I've tried to remember that as I get older. Not to settle out of fear of growing old and, ultimately, dying alone. I've got a few friends whom I'm convinced have done this and as they get older I see the telltale cracks in the facade. Is it worth it? To have someone to come home to and give/receive affection even if you're not "happy" in the truest sense of the word? Is it worth it? I have to believe that it's not; that its lying to someone just for the sake of not being alone.

Of course, on the other hand, does this mean that I've set my sights impossibly high simply to avoid being hurt again? To convince myself that just because a relationship doesn't work out that I'm better off? Is that fair? I've been told countless times that its better to risk being hurt for the possibility of a great and consuming love. I don't mean to whine, but I'm having a tough time accepting this at 43 years of age. Does emotional safety justify being alone? It reminds me of a line from RUSH'S "Limelight" (Moving Pictures) "One must put up barriers to keep oneself intact."

But is that being "fair" and open? Or is it little more than daring someone to have feelings for you? To have them jump through hoops before you decide to trust them? At my age, I have to honestly wonder if, due to being hurt so many times before, I'd ever trust a woman again. THAT'S not the healthiest way to enter into a relationship, is it?

Okay, I can see I'm belaboring the point: is it leaving relationships to faith or avoiding the work needed to make one succeed?

When someone figures it out, please let me know, huh?